Breakfast. Still not fully awake and already having existential thoughts. I know I’m in this clinic to get better, but the question still remains: why or for what?
When I struggle to endure in this clinic without the outside world, I think it’s my duty to participate in these activities and therapies. Isn’t that why I came here? That’s why I have to do what is required of me. I need to focus on getting better and forget the problems of the outside world. I wonder if I can stay in this country. What will I do when I leave here? Should I work or study? A phrase has appeared in my vocabulary: “When I leave herethis world…” “The outside and inside world, separated by just one wooden door.” “When I close the door behind me, the outside world stays outside…”
Psychotherapies, group therapies, physiotherapies, occupational therapies… music and art therapies. That’s my activity in the inside world, but shouldn’t there be a purpose to doing this? Shouldn’t getting better have a purpose?
No one can tell you why or for what you should get better. It’s a philosophical question! – I got an answer, when I shared these thoughts with the psychiatrist. It may be philosophical, but is it unanswerable? I must find an answer to this question somewhere. If I decide to stay on this earth, it must be for something, right? Where or how do I find the answer?
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