The storm of emotions has settled. Today, my heavy legs took a few steps in the sunny weather. I walked as much as I could. I breathed in as much fresh air as I could. I rested as much as I could. The level of malice, hurt, and anger started to decline after I allowed myself to be angry at my abusers.
I exhaled, relaxed, and let go. When I returned, I knocked on the door of the locked clinic, but no one was in a hurry to open it. Through the glass door, I could see the nurses running back and forth. Some were calling for the doctor, who came out of his office and walked calmly as if nothing had happened. Some were rolling out a new bed, while two were dragging my roommate to our room by her arms. The poor girl was shaking and having difficulty in breathing. Two other nurses laid her on the new bed while another pair tried to restrain her. They tied her up and protected her from her own hands. Her face was scratched and bloody. Finally, they opened the door for me and I entered. The poor girl was groaning and thrashing as if trying to free herself from the ties.
“Are you biting yourself?” I heard the psychiatrist ask.
“No,” the girl replied.
“I believe you,” said the doctor calmly, adding, “Everything will be fine.” He continued with incredible calmness, “Try to breathe calmly, the medicine will work soon, and you’ll rest!” He stroked her hair and held her head to prevent it from hitting the bed.
I’ve gotten used to seeing this scene. I’m no longer surprised that the doctor met the tied patient so calmly. They moved her to a separate room. The running and commotion in the corridor stopped. Everyone calmed down, and the other patients could now focus on their own activities.
I’ll be released soon. Just a few days left, and then I’ll be ringing the doorbell of another clinic every morning at 9 a.m. It feels like a new phase. It’s as if it’s the second step on the ladder out of hell. The first step was quite big and difficult. Is it finally over? I do not k now, this demon is full of surprises. As soon as I think I’ve climbed the first step and have just one more foot to lift, the hand I was relying on slips away. So, now all my limbs are on the first step, and it’s time to steady myself. I have hope for this! I have hope in my remaining strength!
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